I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Farmville is her only friend.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
