this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
