i was born a porn star she said
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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