It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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