yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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