Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
