You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
