Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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