she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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