Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
