Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
