theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
