Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
