The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
