Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
