This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
