im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
