I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
