You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
