I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
