Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
