Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
