Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
