I must be too annoying 4 u.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
