My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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