We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
