So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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