just tell him i said nine months
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
