So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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