Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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