I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
