Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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