I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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