Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
