good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
