Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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