At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
