Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
