i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
