Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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