I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
