They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
