the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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