we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
