Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
