I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Randomize
