I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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