i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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