A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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