Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
