How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I don't think brook has ever known best
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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