this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
