She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
where are my eyebrows?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
