1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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